A sad, cruel vegan joke

This joke was emailed to the VRMM anonymously by a vegan:

What is the difference between mashed potatoes and funeral potatoes?

Nothing! The potatoes in either case are still dead!!

Organic Foods Are Evil

To those of you who think organic produce is more pure, more wholesome than mass-produced produce, I say shame on you. IT IS STILL PRODUCE!!!

How can you fail to realize that it matters not whether the poor vegetable has been genetically altered or hormonally envigorated - what matters is whether the poor thing has been sliced up by a cruel harvesting device of some sort or ripped from it’s life-sustaining roots by some other evil machine.

If you must consume a plant or plant part, please do not support harvesting! Instead, pick up a piece of fallen fruit beneath a majestic apple tree and consume it for your renewed energy ONLY AFTER first paying homage to the mother tree with a moment of silence (no less than ten minutes) and then an oath of pure intention to the child fruit itself.

OATH OF PURE INTENTION

O ___________ (insert fruit name like “apple”),
Before I consume your peaceful, resting, rotting flesh,
Please accept my humble vow to forever watch over
Your magnificent mother tree and all her celestial
Child fruit.

I am dedicated - heart, soul, and mind - to the eternal
Cause of righteousness that is the protection of all
Fruits and Vegetables from the evil killers - your hunters -
Herbivores and omnivores. Our mutual friends, the
Carnivores, we also honor at this time for their tireless
Effort in the cause of your protection. May I always
Stay true to the cause!